The Tides

Dear Lover,

The water lines broke tonight.  They froze.  I know, to you, that concept is quite hard to realize considering…  However, I hope you know what I mean.  The loss of how I view my life is heavy, in fact, it’s the way I’ve viewed my life, minus a few very hopeful and subjective moments there within, as I sip on a shot of whiskey.  I have a pain stabbing at my neck from how I slept, on a couch, late at night, fully clothed, disoriented, lonely, my friends are telling me I slept wrong…

You know, you’ve taught me dignity, and in some ways honor, and virtuality of personality as I know I have, while giving away to nothingness and existentialism coupled with realization.  It wasn’t what you said you or what you did that brought me here, you haven’t said much for months now, and from what I hear this isn’t healthy.  Well then, I am guilty as I have ever been.  I just want to hear you to say, ‘you’re doing okay and things are okay for you’.  I’m sure you are dating again and you are about to start a family.  Those possibilities aren’t too far off you know, I think about where and what you’re doing daily…

I know I don’t deserve any kind of response from you, although I think about those options regularly.  There are some things that are needed to be said publicly, which, in this case, is exactly what this letter is, a public display of what I am, what it is I am exactly feeling.  I only hope you read these words…

It’s been a month, since I’ve heard from my Mother, my Brothers, and my Sister, more importantly twelve years since I’ve heard from my father…  My voice for the past year, my Grandfather, passed away in August and I have felt like there isn’t much hope for my own voice, these days.  Even though I have friends surround me like a corpse.  Maybe that’s on me, and maybe I am the example of what not to be.  And maybe, I lied when I said I wasn’t going to write about anything personal anymore.  I don’t care.  You and I both know, when you hold me, when you hold me in your arms, I can feel your heart beating…  And now, since I am such a piece of shit, I realize I am wrong and I have nothing left in my life to where I am excited to continue.  Well, maybe, the truth…  There are a few moments left, within those moments, I am going to create whatever I can to remember…

I do not feel alone completely, however, I wish you were here…

Much love,

-blake

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