There was this moment that I knew, LA might not be so superficial. So dirty. So whatever.
And then there you were, a sign of god, an angel? Either way you made my dreams. I hear Jack Kerouac in my ear and Remi battling against each other for better or for worse like a judge and jury deliberating the truth while seeking its core value. I’m not a judge nor a jury. I’m a man who wants to see your face and who wants to feel your skin and to hear your words you so elegantly choose while you dance in front of me with your laughter and smile. Los Angeles is dirty. Seeing that makes it hard to understand how you, a diamond, a brilliant bright light, could be found amongst such filth among demons and devils seeking to destroy the faith in others. When I close my eyes I can feel your warm embrace like it was today we were laying side by side joking and laughing together. As this natural pain grows inside me every day the temporary ease to that pain is just the thought of you. When we’re together time stops. I don’t need to sleep. I don’t want it. And as I’ve been away from you I’m sleeping more just with the chance I see you in my dreams, which you’ve been playing a starring role in for sometime now. I find it even hard to eat. You make me want to be a better man. You make me want to fill this earth with all that is true and good.
A moment ago I was walking down a street and a man who seemed homeless was sitting on a doorstep to an empty business that was once a salon. I stopped, hovering over him. He looked up and said, “Hello.” I nodded to him. “I have to ask you something.” I said to him. He looked back up at me, with this meek and humble face, and said, “Well then you better ask me.” Tears swelled in my eyes and I stumbled to say these words, “How do you do it?” All he said to me was, “Love.” Then he paused, all the while looking into my now tear bleeding eyes, “It’s all about the love.” as he stood up and gave me a hug. Here was this man who must have needed comfort of his own and he gave to me his compassion. I now tell you, one day when we are reunited together, I will love you like no one had ever loved you before. I know this like how the ocean covers the earth. I know this like gravity. I know this.
The Sunday I watched you drive away in your black German automobile I told myself I was going to marry you. When you’re ready, I’ll still be here. Waiting. Every flower I see or will see I have and will think of you, those vivacious brilliant beautiful flowers. I hope you’re happy and I hope you’re enjoying your life.