Just Another Dummy

She came into my arms, in front of several twenties of people, holding me. Smiling. Kissing. Dancing. Gazing. Time stopped. I didn’t hear the organization of music being played by the band. All the faces around me were frozen. Still. Stopped. But we, we were moving. I haven’t let myself get to this point with any other woman in over two years. I let her in finally. It felt like heaven. I was with her in heaven. Five minutes of the greatest feeling I’ve felt in my life while she was in my arms. Her smile. It bought me another life where I felt like I was worth something for once in my life. All my past mistakes didn’t matter. She accepted me. She held me. She wanted me, just me. I have not let myself get close to a woman because of the last girl I dated. I felt hurt for too long. Last night she took that pain away. Then all of a sudden all the time that was paused sped up with a sound of a shot gun blast speeding up to the time of the rest of the world with one past mistake of mine brought to the forefront by one person. A girl I kissed a couple of times came up to me and my lover, jealous of course, shook my hand and said, “Have a good life!” after which storming out causing a scene, specifically with my lover. The feeling of connectivity with my lover for those five minutes were too late to count. I knew then I was going down. I felt and feel like hanging myself off of an overpass, or billboard, with words written in pain and black ink “Just Another Dummy” with an arrow pointing down at my lifeless body swaying in the wind. Even after they find out I was a human all they’ll find is newspaper and stuffing inside me where I should have a heart. I was wrong. I failed. Yet again. I’m usually the last one on board due to my past experiences. I’m the one people end up hating. But I learned. I knew I wanted her now. Not because I lost her, but because I knew I had her. Now she’s gone. Please tell her I love her. Please tell her I’ll do anything I can to get her happy again. She deserves that you know. She’s the greatest person I’ve ever met. I love her. Please tell her it’s okay to be happy. Even if that means she is not with me. Please tell her its okay. Please tell her I want to be a man and admit my wrongs an make up for them. Please tell her I’ll do anything for a second chance. Please tell her I’m sorry I was late. Please tell her I’m sorry…


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